Hiya, all. Ben here, with a very exciting new addition to The Movie Advocate. You Coloradans who read the blog may be familiar with a certain legendary figure from The Greeley Years. If not, let me be the first to introduce you to Edward Day, Man About Town and Citizen of the World. Ed skipped out a few years back to travel the globe, by which I mean literally the entire globe. I think the only continent he hasn't been to is Antarctica. But on top of all the world exploration, Ed's Movie Advocacy merits are tried and true. This is the guy who introduced me to David Cronenberg. This is the guy who will defend Spice World to his death (okay, bad example, maybe). Ed lives in Thailand right now, so I approached him about maybe writing a little something about what it's like to be a movie fan in a non-Western country. What he came up with just reminds me why it was such a good idea to have him write for this website in the first place...
My pal Ben asked me to write about my pirate movie experience in Thailand. I live here, and movies — as opposed to film, if you’re into the distinction — are all we have, for the most part. I remember being here seven or eight years ago, when I was lucky enough to be in Bangkok for Ong Bak, which blew my mind. I saw it because my pals were all talking about it, and in the two biggest cities here, they cater to the fairly large foreign — farang, they call us — market by giving English subtitles to Thai movies. I, however, tend to live in a small town which has no movie theater at all, much less one that caters to ex-pats and tourists. I do take the three hour bus ride to the nearest city which might accommodate my cinephilic needs fairly often, but it is only rewarded with whatever Hollywood blockbusters various distributors recon I should have access to — not to mention whatever Thai flick they have deigned worthy of translating (I dug Chocolate more than I can say — though its homage’s to various kung fu pictures was very reminiscent to the Tony Jah directed Ong Bak 2 . . . well, that should be vice versa, come to think of it, as Chocolate came out first by at least a year. Perhaps Jah and Prachya Pinkaew thought it up together during their legendary collaborations.
Much worse, however, and much more typical, are examples such as Suai Samurai, or Beautiful Samurai or whatever they bother to call it in English. I give unto you the trailer down below, but for the love of Buddha, please do not see the movie. I think that all the good parts were during the opening credits. As for the plethora of comedies they put out . . . I would rate their slapstick as second only to the French in lack of hilarity. This is yet another subject I could spend a fair amount of time on, but the point is that my choices are fairly limited here. I will say that the local police do crack down hard on the pirates vending Thai films, which shows a bit of support to the local industry.
I’ve gone to the ‘legitimate’ video stores (who always have a wonderful selection of pirate DVDs if you ask) and finding something non-mainstream Hollywood or Bollywood is rare — though apparently Kick-Ass is coming out soon to a theater near me — I know that is only indie in the vaguest of ways, but that should give you an idea of what I’m dealing with; right now my choices are Clash of the Titans and some romantic comedy I’ve already forgotten the name of. Netflix doesn’t deliver here, nor does it stream outside of the good old US of A. What are my choices but to pirate, either by downloading torrents or paying the three dollars (or one dollar when I make a run to the Burmese border) for a movie that is actually worth seeing — at least worth trying? I’ve got a guy in Bangkok that has everything ever done by Hitchcock, the Cohen brothers, Jarmusch and Kurosawa — what the fuck else do I need?
OK, so I know it’s wrong, especially now that Jackie Chan and the Terminator have told me so (which you can’t even fast forward through in the pirate version — what a pain in the ironical ass). You have to agree with me though, all you fan boys and bordering on fan boys, that sometimes pirating movies is the moral choice. There are certain movies that I cannot not see, but I wish that the studios wouldn’t make. I absolutely will watch every Alien movie that comes out, even though they have all been horrible from Alien Cubed on — including the fourth one, directed by one of my all time favorites, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, though it does have its camp value. If I pay money to see Alien Vs. Predator one or two, the studios will probably make a three and four, which I will go and see as well, because . . . because . . . well, either you understand or you don’t. I shouldn’t support Lucas while he fucks up his perfect-enough trilogy by adding worse, worser, worst prequels, but there is no way I can miss them. I’m an addict. I will watch them all. I feel, however, that it would be immoral for me to let anyone who might have cash and clout find out.
Here are two trailers for Suai Samurai, which apparently is internationally known as Vanquisher. The first one is two minutes of popcorny badassedness. The second one gives you an idea of what the movie is really like, though it can only hint at the tedium. Magic Moment: the first five minutes or so are full of slow motion hottie swordplay in the rain.
-Ed
If you guys enjoyed this, I think Ed is game to make "Thai Piracy" - or whatever it will be called - a monthly column. So check back in for more! -Ben