How bad is Troll 2? You know how people sometimes like a movie because it's 'so bad it's good?' Well Troll 2 is so bad it's good, but then bad again, but then good again. It's complicated. There is a scene where an evil, witchy goblin matriarch (?) seduces a teenage boy with an ear of corn in her garter belt. “Do you like... popcorn?” she purrs. Things get so hot and heavy that the ear of corn pops into popcorn and the teenager drowns in the popcorn. Terrifying, right? Oh yeah, and there aren't any trolls in the movie at all. Just goblins. Vegetarian goblins.
As a vegetarian myself, I relate to the plight of these backwoods health nuts. Even though I'm a big city lacto-ovo vegetarian, all vegetarians can identify with how hard it is to find gullible humans to eat your green slime pastries and lettuce shakes so that they turn into plants for you to eat. I don't know what's so unappetizing about an ear of corn covered in puke green frosting, but you'd be surprised how hard it is to convince your victims to eat that stuff. And then when you finally find a really rock-stupid family that's about to chow down, their punk kid gets up on the table and pisses all over the food. This younger generation, I tell ya. No manners at all.
To convince you about how great Troll 2 is, I would have to run a play by play of the ludicrous, inept, insane things that happen in the movie. But the real treat is to witness it for yourself. This movie puts you in a trance of bad-greatness. So many must-be-seen-to-be-believed moments are stacked up like dominos I almost have a hard time believing this Z-movie from hell wasn't on purpose. I couldn't think up something this mad if I tried.
My first viewing of Troll 2 was one of my first ever trips to the Watching Hour. The two institutions are utterly intertwined in the culture trash compartment in the basement of my brain. I kick myself to this day knowing that Troll 2 stars Michael Stephenson and George Hardy introduced that screening, but at the time I didn't yet grasp the significance of how totally awesome that was! The audience was great, and after seeing how the teenager that is the Watching Hour has grown into a robust potted plant* over the last year, I anticipate that the audience this time around will be even better. What I'm trying to say – in my best Mr. Movie voice - is if you go to one Watching Hour this year, make it Troll 2.
Also, you might think about making it a double feature with Best Worst Movie, the Troll 2 documentary that also opens at Starz on Friday. You see, I'm not the only freak who loves this crazy movie. Over the years since its inception Troll 2 screenings and fan get-togethers have grown into a cottage industry. Best Worst Movie, directed by Michael Stephenson (the son from Troll 2, i.e. he who pissed on hospitality), chronicles the rise of Troll 2 from garbage can fodder to cult classic. Through the eyes of one Mr. George Hardy (dentist turned Troll 2 dad actor), the movie explores the fragile, provisional celebrity of a little known actor from a little known cult movie.
Last fall at the Denver Film Festival, I had to choose between the Denver premieres of Best Worst Movie and Bad Lieutenant. I went with the latter, so I'm very excited about this second opportunity to see Best Worst Movie on the big screen. You buy the popcorn, I'll bring the pastries.
-Ben
*You see, another great thing about Troll 2 is that it makes that metaphor make sense.
The Watching Hour is a weekly film series at the Starz Film Center, highlighting new and old cult, genre, or otherwise bizarro movies. Quite simply, The Watching Hour is usually the best thing to do in Denver on a Friday or Saturday night. From Giallo to schlock, Blaxploitation to Aussiesploitation, zombies to martial arts to who-knows-what, and everywhere in between. This is good ol’ rock and roll cinema spectacle. Not to be missed. (See the schedule, buy tickets, get directions, etc. here.)